Polyamorous Relationships: Is multi-love possible?

Sexuality, like many other parts of culture, has evolved a lot in recent decades. This general move towards acceptance has allowed many people to finally express the true nature of their feelings and sexuality, and live life in the way they want to: Prejudice-free.

This sexual openness has set free many different ways of practising love, relationships, and sex, including polyamory. But do we know what it really means to be polyamorous? What is polyamory?

Woman lying between two men in bed

Polyamorous Meaning: “Loving many”

Let’s take a minute: What is polyamory? Polyamorous, meaning “loving many”, comes from the Greek “poly”, meaning “many, several”, and Latin “amor”, meaning “love”. It is a form of ethical non-monogamy, making it an ethical alternative to traditional monogamy. And no, it’s not cheating.

Polyamory is the practice of having consensual and loving and/or sexual relationships with more than one person. Despite the common image of polyamory being 3 people in one relationship, polyamorous relationships come in many different forms.

Individuals and couples will decide and communicate what kind of relationship they want when it comes to being polyamorous. Meaning a poly person could have one primary, long-term partner and still date and have emotional and sexual connections with other people.

They might have one long-term partner and a shorter-term partner, have lots of unfixed lovers and relationships, or they could be in an equal relationship with 2 (or more) other people.

Group of friends laughing and hugging

When it comes to the question “What is polyamory?”, as long as there is communication and consent, how an individual wants to live their polyamory is up to them.

What’s behind the rise in polyamorous relationships?

Polyamorous relationships are on the rise - the stats don’t lie. One 2018 British survey found that nearly one-fifth of Brits identity as polyamorous.

Infidelities, separations and, essentially, endless ups and downs have often characterized relationships until now. Is polyamory the solution to some of these problems?

Polyamorous relationships seem fairly typical of the 21st century, but it was actually during the hippy movements of the 1960s that these kinds of relationships first gained visibility. But polyamory was not common in the decades following this - or was at least not socially acceptable on a wide scale.

The millennial generation has taken the biggest steps towards normalising polyamory.

What does a polyamorous relationship look like?

Polyamorous, meaning relationships with multiple people, can mean a relationship involving three partners, but it can also mean relationships with more or fewer people at different times.

What is polyamory? Poly relationships are not limited or defined by the number or sexual orientations of partners, or by whether partners are long term or casual.

Lesbian couple embracing and smiling

Taking the example of a three-person polyamorous relationship (a triad), here are some of the forms this relationship could take:

  • Two “fixed” people and one “variable”: This is usually a committed couple who have agreed to welcome other people into their relationship, but on a casual basis and with their relationship being “primary”.
  • Three fixed people: This would usually involve 3 people all dating each other and having a relationship with each other as a group and as individuals, equally. They could have sex with 2 partners or all 3 at the same time.
  • A couple with one partner dating another person: This is different from a “three fixed people” relationship where every member is dating each other. In this type, there would be one partner dating another person, and their partner does not date this other person. Of course, it is also likely that both partners in a poly relationship would be dating separate people at the same time.

Polyamorous relationships can be between people of the same sex or with differently-sexed people - polyamory is not typical of or limited to any particular sexual orientation.

Back of sporty couples by seaside

Characteristics of polyamorous relationships

Poly relationships are not just sexual encounters between 3 or more people. What is polyamory? It’s about a lot more than sex. It’s about emotional connections and, often, love. The basis of a good polyamorous relationship is trust, communication and consent.

Polyamorous relationships function according to whatever those involved agree upon. In some long term poly relationships, partners will live together, or even share parenting.

Just as there are many types of sexualities, there are many types of relationships! Does monogamy not appeal to you? Do you feel like you could love more than one person at the same time? Are you a good communicator? Maybe polyamory is for you.